Let Go of These 6 Mindsets in Your 20s, To Live Better in Your 30s.

The quality of your life depends on the quality of your mind

Photo by Zac Durant on Unsplash

1. You Live Your Life According to Other People’s Expectations

In Bronnie Ware’s book, The Top 5 Regrets of the Dying, can you guess what the number one regret people had?

You guessed it.

Expectations.

Many said:

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

Expectations are other people’s insecurities projected onto you. They are heavy to carry, difficult to please and unsatisfying to live up to. No one wins, especially not you.

Many of the people in Bronnie Ware’s book only realized this towards the final few weeks of their life. They had spent their entire lives living on someone else’s terms, only to die with a heart full of regret.

Imagine yourself at 90 years old regretting that you didn’t do what you really wanted to do because of your parent’s expectations of you. Heartbreaking isn’t it?

Well, you still have a choice today to make a difference. If you’re in your 20s or 30s and reading this, you’ve got loads of time to live true to yourself. Don’t just live the length of your life. Live the breadth of it too.

“The only way to experience love is to accept people for who they are and have no expectations of them. While it may be easier said than done, it was the most loving approach possible” — Bronnie Ware

2. You Think That The World Owes You Something

“Life is not fair. Get used to it” — Bill Gates

No one owes you anything. Not your friends, family or even your parents. While they all have different levels of responsibility and role in your life, they are there because they want to be, not because they owe you.

People will leave. People will hurt you. Life is not fair. Get over it. This might sound harsh but the sooner you accept this, the more resilient you will be to the inevitable ups and downs of life.

3. You Wait For The Perfect Opportunity

Perfect does not exist.

Let me say that again:

Perfect does not exist.

Perfection is a myth that keeps you paralyzed from taking action. And action is the only way you earn good opportunities.

I have friends who have committed to nothing in order to stay open to as many opportunities as possible. Do you know how many opportunities come their way? None.

They have no experience and no value to add. Opportunities are earned, not found. You can’t just expect golden opportunities to fall out of the sky into your lap. You might get lucky once or twice. Your parents or friends might hand you an opportunity. But soon enough that gravy train will end.

Put yourself out there. Get some bruises and cuts. Get some skin in the game. Succeeding in doing hard things makes you more prepared to do even harder things later in life. You become the person who attracts opportunities.

The quality of opportunities you receive rarely exceeds the quality of person you are.

4. You Think Learning Only Happens in School

Your ability to earn depends on your ability to learn. Stop learning and you’ll soon stop earning. The education system has many gaps. Your only job in your 20s is to fill those gaps.

“Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young.”― Henry Ford

Read as much as possible. Magazines, books, articles. The history of the world is captured in books. You can access a lifetime of lessons for as little as $25. “All I have learned, I learned from books,” wrote Abraham Lincoln.

In this day and age, you can continue your education in so many different ways. Medium, YouTube and online courses offer high-quality information delivered in a highly engaging manner.

Barriers to self-learning for Henry Ford and Abraham Lincoln were cost and distribution. Knowledge was expensive to capture and distribute via books. Barriers to self-learning for you are persistence and patience. Knowledge is cheap and distribution is free.

I’ve taught myself personal finance, productivity and personal development through watching people on YouTube, reading articles on Medium and taking online courses through Udemy. There are few skills, mindsets or abilities you can’t learn over the internet.

You have no excuses. Learning in your 20s should be your only priority. You should prioritize it over making more money, buying a new car, and partying.

5. You Think You Can Do Life By Yourself

“If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.” — Isaac Newton

Drop the arrogance. Drop the ego. You’ve only lived a fraction of a life. You don’t know most things in life. And the things you do know are probably just the tip of the iceberg.

You are surrounded by people who are wiser and smarter than you. Family, friends or colleagues. Leverage this knowledge and wisdom. You don’t have to do it alone.

Denzel Washington once said:

“Show me a successful individual and I’ll show you someone who had real positive influences in his or her life. I don’t care what you do for a living — if you do it well I’m sure there was someone cheering you on or showing the way. A mentor.”

I surround myself with mentors for everything. Mentors for personal finance, mentors for my career, mentors for consulting experience. Most people are happy to give their time to develop a promising talent who is willing to do the work.

Find your tribe of mentors. Surround yourself with inspiring, motivating and positive people who have your best interest at heart. You’ll achieve more success while being less lonely in the process.

6. You Think You Can Never Change

A fixed mindset creates a fixed life.

If you truly believe you can’t improve or learn new skills, you won’t. The problem isn’t biology, it’s your psychology. Your mind is the most powerful tool for both good and bad.

A growth mindset creates an unlimited life.

With the growth mindset, you have the ability to become whatever you want to become. Your ability to reinvent yourself doesn’t stop with age, only the willingness of your mind.

Your mind is a small farm and you are the farmer. You get to decide which mindset gets cultivated. Choose wisely. The quality of your life depends on it.

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