Avoid These 8 Life Traps In Your 20s To Live Better In Your 30s.
Make the most out of your defining decade
Your 20s can feel like a decade of disaster.
You lurch erratically from one trash fire to the next. You date the wrong people, make bad money decisions and feel a constant state of anxiety about whether your life is headed in the right direction.
The people who say that your 20s are a carefree moment in time, where possibilities are endless and your decisions won’t impact your future too much are wrong.
According to social psychologist Meg Jay, you will make close to 80% of major life decisions in your 20s. Who you will marry, what career path you take and whether you have children.
To put it simply, the decisions you make in your 20s matter.
A lot.
This is where I am here to help. You can make your 20s a lot better by simply avoiding bad decisions. Here are some common traps to avoid.
Life Trap #1: Don’t Be Caught With Golden Handcuffs.
The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary.
— Nassim Nicholas Taleb
Answer this question:
How much would someone have to pay you to give up on your dreams and settle for a life you know is beneath you?
$100,000? Maybe a $1,000,000?
Making a $116,500 salary at 25 years old almost ruined me. Not financially, but psychologically.
I got comfortable. I got complacent. I plateaued in my growth and development for almost a year.
I contemplated leaving my job for about a year and a half but always kept reminding myself that I was giving up a six-figure and director-level job when most of my friends were still eating baked beans for three meals a day.
I felt like I was in agony, chained to this job with golden handcuffs. Poor me.
If I wasn’t working with an emotionally inept boss at the time, I probably would have stayed for another 1 or 2 years. In some ways, their incompetence woke me up. Thanks, boss.
I’ve since left that job and started my own consulting business. I am about 100x happier, more satisfied and make more money.
BUT your 20s are not the time to prioritize making money. You’ve got your 30s and 40s for that. I didn’t leave my job for more money, I left for more growth. Money just became a by-product.
Use this time where you might not have children or a partner to explore your curiosities and do some random things that teach you a lot about yourself.
Lesson:
Rather than provide freedom, a six-figure salary can lock you into a life and job you don’t actually want. Your 20s are not a time to settle for a nice paycheque and benefits. Use this decade to explore and learn. Take risks and be bold. Don’t be someone who dies at 25 but isn’t buried until 80 years old.
Life Trap #2: You Don’t Need To Carry Other People’s Luggage.
Expectations were like fine pottery. The harder you held them, the more likely they were to crack.
— Brandon Sanderson
Coming from first-generation Chinese-Singaporean immigrant parents, I had three options as a profession:
Doctor
Lawyer
Failure
I am not a doctor or a lawyer (sorry mum and dad) and for the longest time, I did consider myself a failure. But failure helps to reset expectations. I was liberated to reinvent myself however I wanted.
It wasn’t easy. I’ve had to disappoint a lot of people to get to where I am today. There were a few difficult conversations to have and many judgments I’ve had to navigate. This won’t be the first nor the last time it happens.
But just like going to the gym, the more you practice, the easier it gets.
Other people’s expectations of you are like a 30kg weighted vest you carry with you at all times. Once I let go of the expectations people had of me, I felt physically and emotionally lighter.
Lesson:
The expectations people have of you are a reflection of their own insecurities or inabilities. Not yours. Learn to follow your own path.
Life Trap #3: The Grass Is Only Greener Because It Is Fertilized With Bullshit.
Comparison is the theft of joy. — Theodore Roosevelt
Comparing yourself with others makes you bitter.
Comparing yourself with yourself makes you better.
Become better, not bitter.
Lesson:
Ignore what you see on social media. Ignore other people’s progress. The grass is only greener because it is fertilized with bullshit.
Life Trap #4: F*ck, I’m Lonely.
Contrary to most of my friends, I’ve decided to stay single in my 20s.
While I see pictures of engagements, hear announcements of new babies and watch my friends move in with each other, I have opted for an alternative path.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve had long-term relationships before and I’ve dated a few people here and there, but I want to be selfish with this part of my life. I value my independence and goals too much to compromise.
What about being lonely? I’ve got a great group of 5–6 friends that I see regularly. I’m very close with my family. I have a strong professional and community network. I am surrounded by meaningful relationships.
Through meditation and therapy, I’ve also become far more comfortable being alone. I enjoy it a bit too much. I have no problems going to dinner or the movies alone.
I know of friends who are in sh*t relationships or settling for less because they have a fear of being alone. I would rather be alone than feel lonely in a relationship.
Lessons:
If everyone is following a conventional journey, you might do better embarking on the road less traveled. If you want to live like most people can’t, you have to do what most people won’t.
Life Trap #5: More Money, Fewer Problems.
The financial decisions you make in your 20s will disproportionately impact the rest of your life.
Not magically, but mathematically. Compound interest needs time to work. The quicker you can cross over $100,000 net worth, the faster your money compounds over time without your input.
In Daniel Pink’s book, The Power of Regret, the most common foundational regret most respondents had was
Not taking the time to understand personal finance
Not saving and investing enough money
Not living with a budget
Not having a financial system
The problem with foundational regrets is that they are hard to anticipate, harder to understand while they are happening and even harder to undo once they happen.
Lesson:
Learn basic personal finance concepts early. Good financial habits make time your friend. Bad financial habits make time your enemy.
Life Trap #6: Not Sorting Your Sh*t Out.
Investment in your mental health pays the best dividends.
Just by being a human, you’ve probably had some sh*t things happen to you in your life.
Your 20s are the time you will start to notice that these experiences are starting to have a negative impact on your life. From mild to severe, you’ve got emotional baggage that you need to work through.
It wasn’t until I went through a bad breakup that I started seeing a therapist and working through my own issues and insecurities.
What started as talking about a breakup has helped me work through issues I’ve had with my parents, identity crisis and so much more.
Ever since seeing my therapist, I am happier, more productive and calmer. Don’t get me wrong. I still have my insecurities and emotional baggage but I have healthier ways of dealing with them.
Lesson:
Investment in your mental health pays the best dividends.
Life Trap #7: Deciding To Stay In The Same Place.
Not taking a risk in your 20s, is the biggest risk you can take.
No decision is still a decision.
The decision you make to stay in a dead-end job, continue to surround yourself with losers and settle for mediocre romantic relationships is a choice.
I’m fortunate to be surrounded by people in their 40s and 50s and they constantly tell me that they regret:
Not starting a business or side hustle.
Not investing in their own brand.
Not putting yourself out there.
Not failing more often.
Not taking a risk because they cared about what people thought of them.
Lesson:
Don’t just calculate the cost of change. Understand the horrendous cost of the status-quo too. You are sacrificing by staying the same. Don’t trade your happiness for certainty.
Life Trap #8: Your Ability To Earn Relies On Your Ability To Learn.
“The means of learning are abundant, it is the desire to learn that is scarce” — Naval Ravikant.
I’ve got friends in their 20s who pride themselves on not having read a book in years.
This actually makes me really sad to hear. Books are the cheat codes to living a successful life. They are the worst kept secret for improving your life.
All the people I admire are voracious readers. Elon Musk, Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates, Naval Ravikant. They devour books at a phenomenal pace and list books as one of their top habits for the success they have enjoyed.
The books you read are the bridge you are building between you and your ideal self. If you don’t like books, watch educational YouTube videos, take online courses or listen to podcasts.
The quality of your life depends on the quality of the content you’re consuming. If all the reading you do is through Tik Tok or Instagram, can you imagine what the quality of your mind is?
Lesson:
Not reading books in your 20s is the biggest mistake you can make for your growth. Read more books, quit most of them and read the great ones twice.
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