The sport is more than just trying to strangle people

I’ve recently started Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ).

And I suck.

I am constantly being choked, submitted, or thrown around. My body is constantly sore and I’ve never moved my body this way or experienced cardio quite like a session of BJJ.

But my BJJ capability is not really the point of this article. Martial arts, like any other sport, can provide useful analogies for how you can live a meaningful life.

Like many other sports, BJJ provides a controlled environment with clear rules and structured pathways.

While life can be uncertain, sports can be the backbone of consistency. The unchanging element of your life. I’ve heard of people entering their entire identity and purpose around their martial arts practice.

1. There Is Always Another Option.

Joe Rogan, UFC commentator, a former fighter, and host of one of the biggest podcasts in the world describes MMA as:

High-level problem solving with dire physical consequences.

Whilst BJJ might not have dire physical consequences, you are still trying to solve problems on a person who is improvising on you. Imagine chess with infinite moves and the pieces could move and strangle each other. That’s BJJ.

No matter what situation I found myself in, BJJ taught me there is always another option. They might not always be obvious so I need to look for them and think creatively. The only thing stopping me was my mindset.

If they are attacking, use their momentum and weight to throw them off. If they are defending, break their posture or attack the knees.

If I thought I had no options, I really did have no options.

Opportunities start in the mind. Execution starts in the body.

Sometimes, in your 20s, life will happen to you. You might think you’ve worked yourself into a corner. Like you’ve wasted your life and there aren’t any options. Like there is nowhere else to go.

I’ve seen many people give up completely after having a few bad months or experiencing one failure. For me, that’s like throwing away $1000 because you wasted $10.

There is always another option to improve your life, you only need to look for it. Once you close your mind, you’ve also closed your options.

Each new day brings new options.

2. Lean Into Discomfort.

When I started BJJ, I was terrified to be on my back or to be choked. I always wanted to feel comfortable and never in a position of vulnerability. That lasted about 2 seconds into my first class.

I was thrown around the entire class, put on my back, and tapped out repeatedly. After a while, I started to get used to it. In the following weeks, the discomfort lessened. I felt more comfortable when put into uncomfortable positions.

When I found myself on my back or about to get choked, I kept reminding myself: “Breath. Think clearly. What options do you have?”

According to social psychologist Meg Jay, you will make 80% of major life decisions in your 20s. Who you marry, what career you want to have, where you want to live, and having children.

These are massive decisions to make. You will face uncomfortable decisions almost every year of your life. Learn to embrace them and see the life lessons they present to you.

BJJ gave me the perspective that while situations might be hard, they could be a lot worse. Resisting discomfort actually creates more anxiety. Lean into them. Roll with them. You never know where they might take you or what they might teach you about yourself.

3. Never Stop Learning. Look to Those Above, Below, and Across You.

Like most martial arts, BJJ has a strict belt system. In order of importance: Black belt, Brown, Purple, Blue, and White. As you rightly guessed, I am a newbie White belt.

This means I am surrounded by people I can only learn from. Even other white belts. This is a great position to be in. I have no expectations to be good and no ego or reputation to uphold. People know and expect me to be terrible.

There is great freedom in being a beginner at something. I have the license to fail over and over again.

Hearing from the great BJJ practitioners, I have started to realize that learning is a never-ending process. There are always new techniques being developed, and new ways to counter those techniques.

Being open to new discoveries broadens our horizons as martial arts practitioners and human beings.

As you move through the belt systems, you are always told you should learn from someone above you. Learn from someone across from you. And teach someone below you.

This is a great analogy for your 20s.

Look at the people around you. Do you have people older than you that you could learn from? Do you surround yourself with peers who inspire you? And could you mentor or coach someone younger than you?

4. Ego Is Your Enemy.

After my first BJJ session, I threw up.

I went into the first class thinking I had something to prove. That I was an outlier and could compete with people doing BJJ for years. What a fool.

Instead of simply tapping out or taking it easy, I went hard. Fought back with all my might. Forgot to breathe and pushed my body too hard. The decisions I made during that first class were driven by ego. And I paid the price.

That’s where I see the majority of twentysomethings go wrong. Ego is leading their decision-making. Instead of asking for help and admitting they don’t know, they go it alone and make avoidable and costly mistakes.

In your 20s, your only job is to learn. You don’t know everything. You’re barely even an adult yet. You can learn from people who have been there and done that. You just need to ask. Drop the ego and become a student again.

5. You Don’t Need To Feel In Control To Be In Control.

Most of the most experienced grapplers in my class let me have seemingly advantageous positions. But really they were setting me up for an attack. In this situation, I had a feeling of control but no actual control.

What I’ve noticed in my class is that the most successful fighters rarely go for submissions right from the start. They take their time. They test your movement. They look for weaknesses.

They often cede ground in order to position themselves to properly execute their submission. They let go of a bit of control to see what opportunities open up for them.

They looked like they weren’t in control but were really ten steps ahead of me. I was playing checkers while they were playing chess.

Your 20s are a time when you will experience a disproportionate amount of ambiguity. You’ll constantly be questioning yourself and put into situations where you don’t feel in control.

Through BJJ, I’ve learned to embrace them more. Look at them for the opportunities they present. They might not always have been the best situations to be in but you can still learn or capitalize on them.

6. Who You Surround Yourself With Matters.

Despite trying to strangle each other on the mat, BJJ is about community. It sounds counterintuitive but you have a deep bond with those you learn and grapple with. The BJJ community is based on respect, care, and friendship.

When you are surrounded by those who are of a similar mindset, discipline, and values, what you can push yourself to achieve becomes limitless. You are the product of the environment you immerse yourself in.

Most of the ‘friends’ you had throughout high school and even university you will start to drift from. That’s okay. There is no animosity in that. People drift. Most people will leave, some will stay and a few might actually come back into your life.

You’ll find that in your 20s people can be a similar age but be at wildly different stages of their life. I am 26 single and have no kids. I know 24-year-olds who are married with a house and 3 children.

We are 2 years apart in age, but we could not be further apart in the reality of our lives. And there’s nothing wrong with that. You just need to find those who can support you in your journey and vice versa.

Find your tribe and people who inspire and give you energy.

7. Leverage and Momentum.

BJJ is a martial art where a trained smaller opponent can overpower a bigger untrained opponent. They do this by using leverage: the principle of achieving a lot with little effort.

In BJJ, your arms and legs become levers for movement. Used correctly and you can shift a big object by applying relatively little force. Executed incorrectly and you’ll be wasting your energy on an immovable object.

Those who succeed at BJJ are able to execute movements when they are in their strongest position and their opponent is at their weakest. Applying the right amount of pressure at the right time can yield disproportionate results.

Where else can you apply this principle of leverage in your 20s? How could you apply this to your finances or investments? To your work or relationships? Which actions will yield disproportionate results for the efforts expended?

In your 20s, you’ve got an abundance of the most valuable asset: time. With time, you can create something great from even the most humble beginnings.

Learn to leverage your time. All the best things in life come from compound interest, which is essentially doing something for a long time and never stopping.

For me, reading books, investing any additional income and traveling has had disproportionate impacts on my growth:

• Reading great books has changed the way I think and interact with the world.

• Investing early and consistently means I am essentially guaranteed to retire a millionaire.

• Traveling has allowed me to make lifelong friends and gain a sense of independence whilst seeing beautiful places around the world.

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