5 Hard Life Lessons You Must Accept if You Want to Grow Into the Best Version Of Yourself

14 Mar

What got you here, won’t get you there.

“The strategies that made you successful in the past will, at some point, reach their limit. Don’t let your previous choices set your future ceiling. The willingness to try new ideas allows you to keep advancing.” — James Clear

Every stage of your life requires a new version of yourself.

The mindset that got you where you are today will not be the mindset that will you get to the next stage of life.

You need to evolve to live a better future or you’ll end up repeating the past.

Your attitude towards life will determine the altitude you reach in your life.

At some point in life, your skillset will stop being as valuable as the attitude you bring toward your work.

Most skills can be learned for free or low cost or automated. You can learn anything you want from the internet.

Knowledge used to be expensive. Knowledge is now cheap.

It is the desire to learn that is now scarce.

In the 21st century, deep technical expertise is a diminishing asset.

How you treat people is more important than how skilled you are. Being kind is no longer an option or nice to have. Your reputation and level of integrity will be the value you bring to the workforce.

From my experience, here are some signs that you have a good attitude:

You treat people equally regardless of status or rank.
99% of people enjoy working with you.
You get lots of repeat clients in your freelance business.
People tend to pick up your phone calls and answer your emails.

Not everyone wants to grow, so stop trying to make them.

I am sure there are people in your life you want to scream:

“Wake up! Can’t you see how you’re wasting your life?! Just do this instead.”

As a person who is constantly challenging myself and obsessed with personal development, this used to be what I would do. I would try to mentor or coach them on how they could improve their life.

But year after year, the pattern remained the same. The stories they tell themselves are still the same. I would be wasting an enormous amount of energy on someone who clearly didn’t want to change.

I would be left feeling frustrated, bitter and resentful.

I still don’t understand why other people don’t just do what is necessary to grow or change to make their life better.

Now I’ve just stopped caring.

Sure, if they ask for help I’ll help them. But I’ll only put in as much energy as I see the person doing.

After years of trying to get a parent to change, a friend to see a better way and encourage family members to do more with their life, I have come to accept that some people simply don’t want to change.

You could claim that they are unable. I would say that most are unwilling.

It is not your job you make them change so stop trying. You will feel more relaxed and calmer.

Let go of these people or you will start to be dragged by them.

Not everyone wants the best for you, so stop trying to seek everyone’s approval.

When you grow and develop, some people simply won’t like it.

Your growth can signal that they are stagnating in their life.

Your growth means that they don’t know which direction they want to go in life. And your growth triggers their own insecurities of inadequacy or comparison.

They won’t tell you this directly but they will drop subtle hints or passive-aggressive comments. They might couch them in terms of ‘banter’ but you feel their words have a sinister edge to them.

“Most people don’t want change, so they also don’t want you to change,” writes Sinem Gunel

I’ve experienced this with both family, colleagues and friends. In 2021, I’ve recently had a string of successes in my career, writing on Medium and launching my podcast. But I am wary of who I share this information with.

I think it is a blessing in disguise. It weeds people out and helps me understand who truly has my best interest. Trust can only be tested during times of adversity or success.

Don’t seek approval from people you wouldn’t seek advice from.

You need to choose your hard.

Life never gets easier. You just get better.

“Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. Choose your hard.
Obesity is hard. Being fit is hard. Choose your hard.
Being in debt is hard. Being financially disciplined is hard. Choose your hard.
Communication is hard. Not communicating is hard. Choose your hard.
Life will never be easy. It will always be hard. But we can choose our hard.
Pick wisely.” — Unknown

While life might not get easier, you have a decision as to what hardship you choose to endure.

Everyone in life will suffer pain. It is inevitable. But would you rather suffer the pain of discipline or the pain of regret?

Not everyone will stay with you on your journey.

People in your life are like seasons.

Some people are here despite the changing weather, while others disappear at the first sight of rain. Many are fairweather friends. Just like the inevitable change of seasons, friends will come and go.

Catching up with old friends from high school is always nice. But it reminds me of how different our growth trajectories are. Small choices made every day, will lead you in very different directions over time.

Since graduating, we have all taken very different paths. Some are already married with kids. Others are onto their 2nd or 3rd career. Many just want to settle down, work a 9–5 and enjoy their weekends.

There is no hurt or animosity. They are on a different path from me. I wish all my old high school friends well.

I’ve taken steps to distance myself from them. You are what you are close to.

Not everyone will be with you till the end. 90% of your friends will come and go. Enjoy the relationship for what it is and appreciate the relationships that endure.

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Michael Lim