If You Want to Win At Life, Know Which Games You Are Playing
Life is a series of games. Some are short. Some are long. Some you should aim to win, and some you should aim to not play at all.
Photo by Randy Fath on Unsplash
We all play games.
And to make a long story short, the key to succeeding in life is:
Knowing which games you’re playing.
Knowing which games you’ve won.
Knowing which games you need to quit.
Each game you play is governed by its own mechanics and logic. The rewards are enticing and the promise of winning can corrupt the purpose of the games you play.
They are unspoken rules that you can only understand once you are playing the game. There is no manual or rulebook.
You Start Life By Playing These Games:
The family game.
You grow up competing to win the attention of your parents and the approval of your family. You internalize the reward systems of the family and form your values accordingly.
Think of your views on education and work. I can almost bet those views closely align with that of your parents or are either completely different from your parents. Either way, they deeply influenced you.
Being raised by Chinese-Singaporean parents who migrated to Australia, it is not surprising that I have come to place a high value on education and working hard at my 9–5 job.
You then move onto the friend game:
You want to find your tribe among your peers. A sense of identity and belonging outside of the family unit. You will get weird haircuts, wear terrible clothes and start speaking differently. All in the name of fitting in.
Your goal is to accumulate friendships, form a sense of identity, and create bonds outside of your immediate family. You desire validation and approval from your peers.
You continue life by playing the education game, the career game, the making money game, and getting the girl game. The list goes on and on.
The Problem With Most Games You Play
Why is it important to know which games you are playing?
Because some games are natural and intrinsic and you should aim to play forever. Other games are artificial and status-driven. You should aim to win these games quickly and move on. Or better yet, not play at all.
“Status games are multiplayer, zero-sum, hierarchical, judged socially. Get grades, applause, titles now — emptiness later.
Natural games are single player, positive-sum, internal, judged by nature or markets. Pay in pain now — get wealth, health, knowledge, peace, family later”
— Naval Ravikant
Be careful which games you decide to play.
The human mind is wired to want to ‘win’ whatever game is being played. Even when it comes at a personal liability or cost.
Leveraging game mechanics such as intermittent rewards, status among peers, recognition, and signs of progress are extremely effective on humans. They can addict you to continue playing the game long after it becomes counterproductive.
The desire to win a particular game can be enticing. The rewards might be artificial and the progress virtual but the feeling is real. Sports and online games like Fortnight operate at this level.
These things don’t exist in nature. They are human-made, constructions of the mind, and reinforced through social conditioning.
I’ve seen people undergo extreme dieting all in the name of reaching a certain number on the scale. I’ve seen people obsessed with money sacrifice time with friends and family all in the name of getting more money.
Just remember: when you play stupid games, you win stupid rewards.
It might not be obvious now because you are blinded by competition but in three years, you’ll feel ridiculous.
If your success in life is measured by a number, you will optimize for that number. Even if that is at the detriment of your health, wellbeing, or relationships.
As Albert Einstein once said, “Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted, counts.”
“When a measure becomes the primary target, it ceases to be a good measure.” — Charles Goodhart
Which Games Should You Play?
You should aim to “play long-term games with long-term people,” writes Naval Ravikant.
What are long-term games? Anything that is intrinsic, is done for its own sake and doesn’t produce an opposite or negative externality.
Art, creativity, meaningful relationships, nature, meditation. These are all long-term games you should aim to play forever.
Long-term games work on compound interest. All the rewards are experienced at the end as you slowly grow year on year.
Short-term games are the opposite. They are tit-for-tat. The players in these games are transient. Politics is a prime example of a short-term game. Every player is attempting to increase their own status at the expense of others.
In a long-term game, everyone is trying to make each other rich. In a short-term game, everyone is trying to make themselves rich. “A finite game is played for the purpose of winning, an infinite game for the purpose of continuing the play,” writes James Carse.
How to Play Better Games
“Define the game you’re playing, and make sure your actions are not being influenced by people playing different games.” — Morgan Housel
Look at your life right now.
Ask yourself: what games am I currently playing? List them out on a piece of paper.
There will be some games you knew you were playing. There will be other games you unconsciously fell into. Circle the ones you want to play and cross out the ones you feel like you’ve won or you don’t want to play at all.
Some of these games will be serving you well. In other games, you could stop playing with no consequences. It might actually improve your life if you did.
Remember that in any game, you are the hero of your own journey. You have the decision to keep playing or stop altogether.
Quitting a game is as good as winning it.
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