The Five Types of People You Want to Avoid Dating but Probably Will

Stay clear of the one that swings like Tarzan.

Photo by Lydia Turner on Unsplash

Heartbreak is inevitable.

But you can choose the type of heartbreak you experience.

While you can’t always tell what someone is like, avoid these types of personalities on your way to finding love.

#1 The One That Swings Like Tarzan.

I once dated a girl for 5 years who was perpetually in relationships.

Like Tarzan swinging from vine to vine in the jungle, my ex would swing from relationship to relationship. She would never move on from one relationship until she had another in her hand.

She had never been single for more than a week since she was a teenager. We met when we were both 16 in high school.

I was the guy she swung to after her previous boyfriend and her “best friend” was the next guy she swung to after me.

She’s cheated on every boyfriend she’s been with (including me) and once even cheated on the guy she cheated on her previous boyfriend with.

Like I say, if she’s willing to cheat on someone else with you, she’s willing to cheat on you with someone else.

You might call this coincidence or just good timing. I saw this pattern of behavior for what it was: the insecurity of being alone.

If independence scares your partner, they might just be with you to escape their circumstances rather than for who you are. You might represent a safety net, escape hatch or the care of a parent they never received.

If I am describing you, it might be time to reflect and invest some time in learning to be alone.

#2 The One That Feels Like a Disney Princess or Prince.

The Disney channel has ruined relationships for a whole generation of young people.

Growing up, we were sold a myth of prince charming, love at first sight and a chance encounter turning into ever-lasting love.

No matter how many ballroom dances I go to, I’m yet to find a glass slipper to return for my princess-to-be.

Yuck.

As a generation, we’ve got an expectation of love and relationships that can only exist on a screen. We want to be swept away. Fall head over heels. And live happily ever after.

I know people who are holding out on getting into relationships because it doesn’t live up to this ideal they have in their heads.

They are more concerned with the ‘how-we-met’ story rather than investing in the skills needed to build a meaningful relationship.

If you want to find a worthy partner, first make yourself worthy of having a worthy partner.

All great relationships are not found, they are made. And they are almost nothing like how they are depicted on the big screen. They require hard work, compromise and the ability to communicate during hard times.

Don’t be caught up in a fantasy.

#3 The One With Unresolved Emotional Issues With Parents.

Unresolved emotional challenges will bleed into your relationship.

What doesn’t get resolved, gets repeated.

There’s no judgment from me. Everyone’s got emotional baggage. I know I’ve got challenges with my own parents that influence my relationships.

My parent's long and drawn-out divorce has messed me up in a number of ways. It is probably the reason I have a deathly fear of commitment.

But I’ve done the hard work to move past these emotional challenges. I’ve been regularly seeing a therapist for 4 years, read numerous books and listened to podcasts to develop my emotional intelligence.

I’ve invested time and resources into learning the skills to communicate, manage and mitigate the emotional influence of my early life experiences.

But not everyone is me. Most people prefer avoidance or staying a victim of their circumstances.

My most recent ex-girlfriend had emotional issues with her parents the size of an elephant. We never directly addressed it, but it was the elephant that kept us apart in the relationship.

Soon enough, the issues she had with her parents were projected onto me. It was not a pleasant experience. I quickly became the target of the problems she had with her parents.

If you aren’t evolving, you’re repeating.

#4 The One That Keeps Up With The Joneses.

Materialism precedes comparison.

And comparison with others is the theft of joy.

You are allowed to enjoy nice things. But someone who is overly attached to the brand of clothes you wear, the type of car you drive or the cost of your timepiece is be avoided.

They might be with you because of what you have, not because of who you are.

#5 The One With No Friends.

A distinct red flag is someone who can’t maintain deep long-term friendships.

I dated someone who was surrounded by what I would consider acquaintances. All their conversations were surface level and they hardly ever saw each other or communicated.

It would be the same relationship I would share with most of my colleagues.

It was only after she met my friends who I’ve known for more than 10–15 years of my life that she realized she didn’t really have any friends she could turn to.

An inability to maintain friendships is usually a sign of something deeper.

When we were dating, she expected me to fulfill all her emotional needs. Her entire social life revolved around what we had planned. If we didn’t do anything together, she did nothing at all.

That’s a lot of pressure to have on your shoulders. In hindsight, this was just a bomb waiting to explode.

Independence outside of a relationship is healthy. Don’t be left holding the emotional and social needs of the person you are dating.

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