You first make your habits and then your habits make you.

If we want to direct our lives, we must take control of our consistent actions. It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives, but what we do consistently.

— Tony Robbins

Growing up, I never really had positive male role models.

No one really taught me about the importance of mental health, reading books, or the importance of exercising regularly.

Coming from an immigrant background, most of the men in my life were emotionally stunted. They had unprocessed trauma, refused to improve their mental health and never worked on their emotional intelligence.

In my 20s, I am fortunate enough to have access to mentors via the internet and books. Most of the men I consider ‘mentors’ probably don’t even know who I am but their words and perspectives have changed my life.

Here are 7 powerful habits I wish I learned earlier.

1. Weight Training.

According to Statista, 24.2% of men engage in exercise per day.

But the majority of the self-reported exercise, the most common was walking (30.4%), with only 8.9% doing any sort of resistance training with weights.

As a naturally skinny kid, I noticed radical changes in the shape of my body when I started lifting weights.

I built more muscle and developed a more athletic frame. T-shirts no longer looked like a dress on me, my posture improved and I had more of the desired ‘V’ taper frame than I did when I was younger.

All this improved my self-confidence and my self-confidence then impacted how people treated me. It was a positive spiral. I was taken more seriously and I could command the attention of people.

Don’t let the gym bros turn you off weight training. You don’t even need to have a hulk-like physique to notice your confidence rise. Plus the benefits you receive from lifting weights go beyond the physical changes.

Time to pump some iron.

2. Reading a book every day, even only 10 pages.

The American Time Use Survey demonstrates the share of men reading books for pleasure fell from 25% in 2004 to 15% in 2017.

This means that more than 85% of men are not reading at all. And given the rise of distractions, I can safely assume that those who are reading aren’t doing so every day.

This is great news for you. You can stand out from the crowd by reading more books. You’ll become more knowledgeable, your grammar will improve and your ability to articulate yourself will make you more influential.

Start with reading 10 pages a day, preferably in the morning. Once you’ve established the habit, slowly work towards reading 30–50 pages per day. Before you know it, you’ll be reading a book a week.

Put down the phone, and pick up a book.

3. Daily Deep Work.

The Bureau of Labor Statistics broke down that the average person works 8.8 hours per day.

But of the average workday, a study in the UK reported that most workers were only productive for 2 hours and 52 minutes on average.

The most common distractions reported were social media (44 minutes per day), reading news websites (1 hour and 5 minutes per day) and discussing out-of-work activities with colleagues (40 minutes per day).

There are no gender breakdowns from the data, but if you can block out 3–4 hours of undistracted creative time to work on your business or side hustles, you will be well above most office workers.

Most of my friends have no side hustle or business they are building on the side. They are dependent on one employer and one income. They have to constantly fight for promotions and more pay.

Deep work allowed me to build my online writing side-hustle, podcast and freelance consulting business alongside working a 9–5 job. Once I had enough scale, I quit my full-time job to work for myself.

Deep work will make you more productive whilst also increasing the quality of your work.

4. Engaging In Mindfulness.

Data from the National Health Interview Survey in 2017 show that only 12% of men meditate.

Meditation has been a game-changer for me. It provided me the time to reflect on my life, process painful emotions, and connect with myself.

You’ll never know what thoughts are deep in your mind if you never get yourself the opportunity to think. I’ve become a far more empathetic, considerate and calm person as a result.

I don’t do anything fancy. I sit on my bed after I wake up and meditate for 10 minutes. No app, no mantra. Just sit and focus on my breathing and thoughts. I notice a difference in my day when I don’t meditate.

Meditation will feel hard at first, especially if you have never done it before. But just like exercise, each ‘rep’ you put in corresponds to the adaptation of your mind.

Meditation is a superpower. If you can remain calm and clear-minded while everyone else is freaking out, you’ll win.

5. Improving Your Mental Health.

Statista showed that only 11.3% of men actively receive mental health treatment or counseling.

Alongside meditation, regularly speaking to a therapist improved my life for the better.

My therapist guided me through the grieving process of multiple relationship breakups, moving past my parent's divorce and helped me to navigate big transitions in my life such as starting a full-time job.

The only way out of these emotions is through them. What isn’t processed is stored. What isn’t resolved is repeated.

The choice is yours: evolve or repeat.

Put your ego aside. Focus on improving your mental health. You don’t have to do this alone.

Most men won’t seek such help. The combination of being seen as ‘weak’ or the stigma associated with talking about your feelings imprisons most men in their own thoughts and life traps.

The most secure prisons are the ones we create for ourselves.

6. Not Finding a Life Purpose.

A study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association analyzed data from the 27-year-old Health and Retirement Study and found that one thing led to people living longer:

Working and living with a sense of purpose and meaning.

The study demonstrated that people who had found a sense of purpose lived longer lives than those with little to no sense of life purpose.

As Friedrich Nietzsche once said,

He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.

I don’t really have any statistics for men, only anecdotal evidence.

This might sound harsh but most of my male friends have no life purpose.

They work in jobs they hate, stay in romantic relationships that suck and surround themselves with other males who have no direction in their life purpose too.

That’s why they live for the weekends and look forward to the times when they can get blind drunk and numb themselves to their lives.

I was at a dinner with a group of my high school friends and all they could talk about were where they drank last week, where they were drinking tonight and what they were going to drink next week.

It was quite depressing to hear. They rather escape the person they are than build on the person they could be.

Finding your purpose is an iterated process, not a single defining moment.

You can start by asking yourself these questions:

1. What’s your superpower?

2. What would you happily do for free?

3. What do you find yourself talking about all the time?

4. What activities do you do that make you lose track of time?

Your answers will point you in the right direction.

Closing thoughts

These habits aren’t easy, but they are life-changing.

If you want to live like most men can’t you are going to have to do things that most men won’t do.

Making hard choices now makes your life easier later. Taking easy choices now makes your life harder later. The decision is yours.

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